loving you is a dirty job
by tomsgirl79
Summary: Narcissa reflects on her family since Lucius came back from Azkaban. Set to the lyrics of loving you is a dirty job.


Disclaimer: as much as I wish I were J.K. Rowling I am not. Therefore I don't own the characters. Also as much as I wish I were Jim Steinman I am not so full credit to him for such an ace song.

* * *

Why don't you stop tearing up everyone you need the most  
You're so busy trying to get even  
You never even try to get close

Narcissa closed the door quietly behind her. She felt the tears she had been holding back slip out. Tonight she had come so close to letting him see how he hurt her. No mater how bad Lucius hurt her she would never let him see he cry.

Tonight Lucius had pushed her about as far as she could stand. Tonight Narcissa began to doubt that he cared about any thing other then revenge.

All he had talked about tonight was revenge on that potter boy. As if that was his reason d'etre.

Narcissa crept into her room desperately trying not to wake anyone. At least in her room she could cry openly. The thought hurt her more. Lucius had moved out of their room and out of their bed. Lucius claimed that it was in case of a ministry raid. He claimed that if the bed looked like it had two occupants the ministry would know he was there. The only other explanation would be her having an affair. No one in his or her right mind would ever believe that. So now he slept in the tower at the other end of the manor.

I can't explain it away  
It doesn't make any sense

Narcissa lay down on the bed and let go. She let her tears fall with out even attempting to wipe them away. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't afford for anyone to see the cracks in her marriage. She had to keep up appearances. No matter what happened she couldn't let any one think even for a second that her marriage was less the perfect.

Azkaban had changed Lucius. He used to be close to her. Now all he did was push her away. Narcissa didn't know how she could bear it. Every time she went to touch Lucius he flinched. As if the thoughts of her touching him were painful.

Ever since he had seen how Lucius bowed and scraped to the dark lord. Draco refused to even acknowledge his fathers existence.

Now whenever Lucius entered a room Draco left. Narcissa hadn't seen her son properly since he came back from school.

She knew he was eating because the elf showed her the empty plates. It still hurt. Draco used to worship his father. Now they wouldn't even stay in the same room. Narcissa felt her loyalties torn. On one hand she was sure that Lucius needed her, while on the other her son was almost a grown man that needed her to support his first steps in the world alone.

_  
There were times we were damn good dancers  
There were times when we heard all the answers_

Lucius had been so different when they were first married. He had spoilt her rotten. All she had to do was grace his arm for special occasions. While the others had treated their wives like dolls, Lucius treated her like a goddess.

While the others ignored their wives altogether and took mistresses to the functions, Lucius took her. When Narcissa asked him why he took her, Lucius replied, "Because no woman on earth can dance as well as you." Even though Narcissa knew it was arrogant to agree with Lucius on the matter she did. In fact most of their youth seamed to have been spent on the dance floor. Perhaps because it was the only time they could be close and not have the whole world gossip about them. One thing Narcissa could never stand was gossip. Now the whole world seamed to know every thing.

Lucius loved her. Naively Narcissa trusted that he knew he was doing. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that they would end up like this.

Narcissa had no wish to follow her sister's footsteps and join the dark lord. Although she understood what he was trying to do, it was generally agreed that Narcissa did not posses the right temperament to help them directly.

Although as Lucius' wife she could throw magnificent dinner parties that lasted well into the night. Many of the guests had left converted to helping them.

_If your fears could only be forgotten  
We could pull all the barriers down_

If only he would talk to her. If only he would let her help him. If Sirius could survive Azkaban Narcissa was sure Lucius could. No matter how hard she pleaded Lucius would not talk to her. The harder she tried, the more he pushed her away.

What could she do? No one could come and see them lest they should report Lucius' whereabouts. So one came to dinner any more. The dinning room lay deserted and covered in dustsheets.

If only he would talk to her, she was sure they could get through this. She loved him. Always had and always would. While Draco pushed his father to one side because he was not the hero he had created, Narcissa loved him more for every imperfection he showed.

She knew her husband was only human. Narcissa felt her tears stop. She would cry no more tonight.


End file.
